Eight week and six days: About the size of a martini olive . . .

-The biggest news of this week is that we've seen the baby! We went in on Wednesday morning to our fertility specialist and I had yet another internal ultrasound. M. came in (he declares that he could pick the baby straight away). The doctor quickly showed us the baby's (massive) head, and then pointed out a wonderful sight - a tiny, beating heart. We also got to see the arm, and the spine of the baby and we have our own print out picture that I like to stare at for hours.

-The doctor also told me to finish my pack of progesterone and that would be it for IVF medication. I had the last one on Friday! So happy to be done with all those unnatural hormones. He also said my ovaries were as normal as expected from an IVF conception.

-General consensus seems to be calling the baby 'junior' or 'turtle' because of the number of eggs we got during the egg pickup.

-The nausea has well and truly kicked in. Some days are worse than others, but the lists of smells I can no longer stand seems endless! Other than that, I think I might almost graze a b cup with my breasts, now; and I am incredibly, bone weary tired.

Week Six: the search for a size comparison that isn't fruit . . .

A lot has happened since the last time I updated with our good news. (Well not that much, but it makes me feel like I'm more productive)

- I went to see the nurse at my fertility clinic. She moved me onto progesterone pessaries (1/3 the cost of crinone), told me that the horrific pain I was having (not to mention the five month pregnant bloating) was hyperstimlation rearing up again (yay!), and let me know how far along I was (5 weeks and 2 days at the time - it's now a week later so I'm 6 weeks and 2 days)

- The pessaries are . . . Different. (TMI alert) They're inserted like a tampon, twice daily, then I have to lie down for half an hour. In that time they melt and the progesterone gets in my system. The side effects seem less extreme then the crinone, but in combination with the heat, they're not the most comfortable things in the world.

-the hyperatimulation is more under control now I understand that I have it again. It's controlled through drinking water and Gatorade, and while it's still a problem, it's significantly improved.

-Nausea kicked in over the weekend. At first I thought it might be the tummy bug doing the rounds, but that was a 24 hour thing, and this has been 5 days, so not so much. No vomiting, but relatively strong nausea, particularly in relation to food. And it sticks around until early evening.

-Almost everyone knows. Which both comforts me and terrifies me in equal amounts. Some people picked it up through the massive, swollen belly I had last week.

-I am pretty terrified of something going wrong and I probably will be until we a) hear a heart beat, b) see a scan, c) get through the first trimester d) are holding the baby. Part of the problem is that symptom are changed by the progesterone, so I don't feel like I'm controlling my body, so I don't feel like I can trust it. I keep holding on to all the positives though - it was a strong positive result, I've had no spotting at all, I'm healthy . . .

-we have our first baby things. A cute singlet with planes on it (we're both plane enthusiasts, M. More than me, though I do intend to impart my love of Spitfires), two winter onesies, a pair of tiny red sneakers and two board books (including Where is the Green Sheep!) I also got a present of a bib and a singlet from a co worker who promises to hold a baby shower, even though I'm changing jobs at the end of the year.

- And our current due date is . . . 22 of July :)

The Verdict

The phone call came at 1.14pm

My doctor was on the end of the line and he said the magic word . . . Congratulations.

I'm pregnant.

It's still really early days. I still need to take the crinone to make everything hospitable in there. And we won't get our scan for a few weeks due to a whole bunch of real life stuff going on. But for now, we're just enjoying it (well M. is. I'm really bloated and achy, so not so much)

A pregnancy and I didn't even pee on a stick once!

A different kind of two week wait

Well, only three more sleeps until my pregnancy test and I can honestly say that this has been a very different two week wait.

Some of the differences:

- I know almost all my symptoms can be attributed to the progesterone. Which actually stops a lot of fretting. Instead of worrying whether it's pms or pregnancy I just blame it on the progesterone.

- My breasts are definitely bigger. As in, my bra is getting rather small and hurting me. So, I need to go bra shopping or get a crop top of some sort.

- I know that the first part was already done.

-I'm very, very, very tired. Like fall asleep at work tired.

-I seem to get progressively sorer during the day. Especially in the stomach.

All in all, it's gone much quicker than I thought it would. Just a few more days and we might know something, one way or another . . .

Words I hate seeing

Whenever I've started a new drug during this cycle, I've done a bit of research of the side effects. Something that really irritates me is the number of time side effect information is proceeded with 'Most women experience no side effects'

Obviously, I'm in the minority because I've experienced a multitude of side effects with each of the drugs!

Synarel - tiredness, achiness, forgetfulness, mood swings (all to extreme levels)
Gonal-f - hyperstimulation, bloating, tiredness, cramping
Crinone - tiredness (yes, I've just been tired for the last 6 weeks!), sore breasts, depression

I realize they put the 'most women' in the information to calm worried women who are about to put all these hormones into their bodies, but when you're already the minority (infertile), the last thing you need is to know you're even more of a freak because you have side effects to everything!

(This post totally brought to you by a person trying to distract herself through the two week wait)

Another type of hormone: the wonders of crinone

So, soon after the egg pick up (still want to say harvest), the doctor put me on crinone, a vaginal gel that contains progesterone. (if that's tmi, you may not want to read anymore.) basically it prepares the uterus for pregnancy and then acts as a support.

The application of it is easy, but not necessarily pretty (unlike the shots and the nasal spray, I can't do this one in the car). The side effects, though, are the real killers. Someone described it to me early as having all the symptoms of pregnancy and all pre menstrual symptoms at the same time. The leaflet that comes with the pack, though, warns of:

"Very common side effects"

Including

"cramps, abdominal pain, head ache, breast enlargement (here's hoping) or pain, feelings of severe sadness and unworthiness, decreased sexual drive, sleepiness, feeling emotional, constipation, nausea"

That's just the very common side effects. The common side effects also include my old favourite, bloating, vomiting and painful joints.

So basically I'm going to be a bloated, depressive, big breasted walking ball of pain.

In reality, I seem to have relatively mild side effects, though the depression is one to watch. I have a history of anxiety and depression, but at least this time I know it's a possibility and can take measures to curtail it. Like looking a photos of grumpy baby meerkats (photo to come)

One of those kinds of weeks

After the egg pick-up we weren't sure if we'd go ahead or wait a cycle for the transfer. Because of the huge number of eggs they got, I was in serious risk of hyper-stimulation, and I actually got very bloated and put on 2 kilos, which is not a good sign.

Luckily over yesterday and today, I've regained some equilibrium. The pain is gone, most of the bloating is gone and I've actually lost 3 kilos in two days, which is relatively remarkable. So the embryo transfer is on for tomorrow morning.

I've got 'lush' lining in there, and I'm on crinone (progesterone - more on that later) to make everything nice in there, so we've just got to wish and pray and hope that the embryo likes it all. So, in two weeks time we'll find out if we're pregnant or not.

Egg pickup - quick post

I'm home, feeling relatively good after today's egg pickup. I'll post more tomorrow, but wanted to share the magic number.

30 eggs.

I've checked several times now, thinking I was in some sort of anesthetic dream. Still 30 eggs.

No wonder I was sore.

More tomorrow.

Triggering It All

I had my last Gonal-f injection yesterday morning, and my last sniff of synarel at 7pm last night. Then at 2.30am this morning, I stumbled out of bed, along with M, to give the trigger injection. This injection will allow the eggs to mature ready for collection.

The injection is a premixed syringe, and just needs to be given pretty much like the Gonal-f injections. The instruction sheet was hilarious, though - a massive page full of statistics and side effects, with just a teeny tiny corner devoted to the actual instructions. The steps themselves also advised me to inject myself in a 'dart-like motion'. M suggested that meant he should stand at the other end of the room and throw the needle towards me. Needless to say, that was not the approach we finally took.

The injection all went fine, in the end, though I was extremely faint headed afterward. I think that was just a psychological side effect, since this needle looked more like a needle than others have. A bit of Gatorade and I was all fine.

Not taking the Synarel has felt very strange this morning. No longer is my life ruled by the alarm on my phone! (Well not until Wednesday when I start the crinone anyway) Also, the desperate thirst I had before has also died back a little, which makes it harder to drink the 3 litres of water I need to consume to avoid OSSH.

Tomorrow I get to have my thyroid tablet and have a small breakfast, along with lots of water before fasting for 6 hours. Then off to the hospital. Apparently I'll be in quite some pain afterward, so I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again. Hopefully there'll be good news about the number of eggs soon.

The Last Check up

My eggs do not look like this . . .

This morning I had my final check up, scan and blood test before the egg pick up on Monday.

On the way in, I was feeling very sore. Walking too far or too fast is becoming a problem at the moment, due to the pain in my lower abdomen. The scan showed at least six large follicles on one ovary and nine on the other. "So we could be looking at as many as 20 eggs" he said, relatively calmly.

Since this is significantly above the 'doctors are really happy with' number of 15, I'm at a high risk of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. (Check out the link. There's a pretty good picture similar to what my ovaries look like at the moment). There are a couple of things that could happen here

1. Everything goes wrong over the weekend. Egg pick up is cancelled. I cry a lot because I'll have to go through all this again (everyone thinks this is very unlikely, but possible)
2. I don't recover well after the pick up and I get OHSS. The embryo transfer is cancelled and all embryos frozen for a later date. I only cry a little. (More possible. I'll know by next Wednesday)
3. Everything goes as planned, and I don't really cry at all. (Probably equally possible with option 2)

Then we were off to the nurse to pick up my next lot of drugs (the trigger injection for Sunday morning and crinone for afterwards), to get more warnings about OHSS and to go through all the hospital stuff for Monday. Then a blood test and we were done.

So, fingers crossed we're ready for Monday. I'm quite thrilled that we've made it this far after everything we've gone through. Now just to get through the next few days.

Image from flickr

Overachieving Ovaries

So, I had my scan this morning at the doctor. (I must say, there's nothing quite like beginning your week by dropping your pants in the doctor's office.) My uterus now has a 'lush' lining (his words), and my ovaries have been nice and busy since starting the Gonal-f stimulation injections.

A little too busy.

Seems my ovaries are as overachieving as the rest of me. The doctors usually like to see 12-15 follicles total at the end stage. At a week out, they like to see a little less.

I have (at minimum since these are only the ones they can see) 8 follicles in each ovary. Quite a nice size too.

Which is, of course, mostly good news (much better news than no follicles or only one or two). The only problem is that I'm much more open to hyper stimulation, and the whole thing might happen earlier than we like which means only one day off work, not three :p Also, the cramping sucks big time (think ovulation cramping and times it by 16)

So, dear ovaries, I promise you can have an A+ if you just behave until next Monday. No need to go overboard, okay . . . :)

IVF injections - one week in

So, I've now had 7 Gonal-f injections to stimulate eggs. How are things going?

-the Gonal-f counteracts a lot of the emotional side effects of the Syneral. This means I have more concentration and less emotional turmoil. This is a Good Thing

-the general achiness is also gone

-the tiredness hasn't

-replacing the other side effects I now have massive bloating, achy ovaries and irritation at all the injection sites :(

-also, I need to drink at least 3ltrs of liquid a day, so I'm constantly heading for the toilets!

A blood test last week showed that hormone levels were good, now we're hoping tomorrows' scan goes as well. Then another week until the tentative egg pick up

A Bit of Good News . . .

We made our way back to the fertility specialist this morning (btw, peak hour traffic sucks!). This time the scan was a lot better - left ovary clear, tiny follicle in the left, but on its way out. The doctor was happy and the injections could begin. Phew!

The nurse ran us through the basics of the injections - how to dial up the dose, how to attach the needle - then asked if I wanted to do it, or get her to. I decided I should do it - after all, I'll have to do it on my own starting tomorrow. Then I saw the needle.

The big, long, pointy needle that has to go into my stomach.

I froze completely. I just couldn't bring myself to hurt myself in that way. Luckily the nurse was on the ball and helped me guide my hand in. Turns out it doesn't hurt very much, and is quite easy to do. I was going to do them on my own before I left for work in the morning, but M. has suggested we move it earlier and he'll be around to help me. (He was also a bit shocked by the size of the needle and said he didn't think he could manage to poke himself with it.)

Hopefully the main side effect of this will be counteracting the Synarel - I want my mind back again! I just need to get lots of liquids and protein to avoid organ failure if I over-react to it.

I have a blood test on Thursday and a scan next Monday. All going well, the tentative egg retrieval is set for 31st October. And . . . Cue the Halloween jokes :)

Squeezing in an update

So, I said I saw an end to the Synarel, didn't I. What a fool am I.

We went to the doctor early on Tuesday morning for a scan and to set up the injections. Unfortunately there was a big follicle (28 mm) still lurking in my left ovary, which would completely confuse the matter if we started injections. Doctor's advice? Just stay on the Synarel for another week and we'll look again.

Since then, the side effects seem to have become worse - strong hot flashes (I was sweating last night, but M said it was pleasantly cool), desperate thirst, headaches - hopefully all launching me into faux menopause and getting rid of the follicle.

Next appointment is Monday. Cross everything for me that we have a good result then

Things I hate about Synarel

This is how I feel most of the time . . .

I've been on Synarel for 13 days now, which, in my mind at least, makes me perfectly qualified to talk about why it sucks (of course, this is the same mind that forgot how to do subtraction and needed help from a very kind 12 year old)

1. The taste. A friend asked me what it tasted like. I'm leaning between pesticide, an ashtray or the garbage bin after a week in the sun.

2. The fact the taste doesn't appear until about 15 minutes after the spray. So you're there thinking, that wasn't so bad. Then 'bang', aforementioned taste

3. The stupid song that is the alarm on my phone every 12 hours. (I know I can change it, but this is my stupid list.)

4. The fact I now seem to forget everything. Everything. Like simple words. And how to do subtraction. Today I brought a coffee with me into my study. Without any water or milk in it (but the teaspoon was still there)

5. The acne. Which turned out to really be my imminent period, but I'm blaming synarel

6. How hard it is to spell synarel

7. The mood swings. I feel like I'm harbouring seven dwarfs of moods in me at the moment - so far this last week I've had visits from Sleepy, Grumpy, Weepy, Snappy and Happy.

8. People who tell me that I shouldn't complain about synarel

9. Feeling like I'm not me anymore.

10. Insecurity over whether I'm doing it right or not. This morning, I pressed on the spray and got nothing - no sound, no spray, no liquid. So I did a check in the sink and repeated the dose successfully. But now I'm worried that maybe the first one did work and the second one is an overdose and I'm probably going to die . . .

11. The looks on people's faces every morning at work. The 'oh shit, what horror is she going to inflict on us today look'

The good thing about Synarel?

My period came on Thursday, so there now is an end in sight for the synarel

Image from Flickr

Cycle One: Starting with Synarel

The first part of my IVF routine is a nasal spray called Synarel, which I need to take twice a day. This starts before your actual cycle starts (day 21 of my previous cycle) and works to stop normal ovulation. (Ovulation needs to be stopped so we don't lose the eggs I'll be producing.)

The actual taking of it is pretty simple - remove cap and safety piece, stick it up your nose, squirt and sniff. I have to keep to a strict time table - every 12 hours (7am and 7pm in my case), and people have warned about forgetting to take the cap off - and when it's as expensive as it is, you don't want to lose any spray.

The taste is a) terrible and b) long lasting. This morning was actually better than yesterday to start with, because I had the sniff just after I had some coffee, but it's really kicking in now. Some people recommend peppermint to mask the taste, so I'm trying to decide if that means Minties or I'll just invest in Mint Slice biscuits. Also, as bad as it tastes, it's not as bad as the reflux tablets I had to have as a child (taken on their own they tasted like dentists cotton. Except I couldn't take them as tablets and mum had to smoosh them into a watery paste with water and I had to drink/lick it all out. I still want to vomit just thinking about it).

Side effect wise, some people don't seem to have any. Some people seem to get them by day 4. I seemed to start yesterday. Because the drug stops ovulation, they say the side effects are similar to menopause. Not sure if my side effects are like menopause, but I'm tired and achy, have tightness in my lower abdomen and I'm really irritable. (Apparently another side effect is shrinking breasts. I'm hoping this is a long term effect for those who take it for other issues. I have precious little breast to lose!) It's possible that some of these effects are pre-menstrual, but I'm definitely more irritable (I felt like I had something crawling under my skin this morning) and also having more trouble sleeping. So it seems like I got hit with the side-effect hammer!

I forced myself to get out for a walk yesterday, which seemed to work, plus I'm going to increase my water and see if that helps. Hopefully the side effects level soon, and they should definitely do so when I start the injections.