The Verdict

The phone call came at 1.14pm

My doctor was on the end of the line and he said the magic word . . . Congratulations.

I'm pregnant.

It's still really early days. I still need to take the crinone to make everything hospitable in there. And we won't get our scan for a few weeks due to a whole bunch of real life stuff going on. But for now, we're just enjoying it (well M. is. I'm really bloated and achy, so not so much)

A pregnancy and I didn't even pee on a stick once!

A different kind of two week wait

Well, only three more sleeps until my pregnancy test and I can honestly say that this has been a very different two week wait.

Some of the differences:

- I know almost all my symptoms can be attributed to the progesterone. Which actually stops a lot of fretting. Instead of worrying whether it's pms or pregnancy I just blame it on the progesterone.

- My breasts are definitely bigger. As in, my bra is getting rather small and hurting me. So, I need to go bra shopping or get a crop top of some sort.

- I know that the first part was already done.

-I'm very, very, very tired. Like fall asleep at work tired.

-I seem to get progressively sorer during the day. Especially in the stomach.

All in all, it's gone much quicker than I thought it would. Just a few more days and we might know something, one way or another . . .

Words I hate seeing

Whenever I've started a new drug during this cycle, I've done a bit of research of the side effects. Something that really irritates me is the number of time side effect information is proceeded with 'Most women experience no side effects'

Obviously, I'm in the minority because I've experienced a multitude of side effects with each of the drugs!

Synarel - tiredness, achiness, forgetfulness, mood swings (all to extreme levels)
Gonal-f - hyperstimulation, bloating, tiredness, cramping
Crinone - tiredness (yes, I've just been tired for the last 6 weeks!), sore breasts, depression

I realize they put the 'most women' in the information to calm worried women who are about to put all these hormones into their bodies, but when you're already the minority (infertile), the last thing you need is to know you're even more of a freak because you have side effects to everything!

(This post totally brought to you by a person trying to distract herself through the two week wait)

Another type of hormone: the wonders of crinone

So, soon after the egg pick up (still want to say harvest), the doctor put me on crinone, a vaginal gel that contains progesterone. (if that's tmi, you may not want to read anymore.) basically it prepares the uterus for pregnancy and then acts as a support.

The application of it is easy, but not necessarily pretty (unlike the shots and the nasal spray, I can't do this one in the car). The side effects, though, are the real killers. Someone described it to me early as having all the symptoms of pregnancy and all pre menstrual symptoms at the same time. The leaflet that comes with the pack, though, warns of:

"Very common side effects"

Including

"cramps, abdominal pain, head ache, breast enlargement (here's hoping) or pain, feelings of severe sadness and unworthiness, decreased sexual drive, sleepiness, feeling emotional, constipation, nausea"

That's just the very common side effects. The common side effects also include my old favourite, bloating, vomiting and painful joints.

So basically I'm going to be a bloated, depressive, big breasted walking ball of pain.

In reality, I seem to have relatively mild side effects, though the depression is one to watch. I have a history of anxiety and depression, but at least this time I know it's a possibility and can take measures to curtail it. Like looking a photos of grumpy baby meerkats (photo to come)

Cycle one: Egg Transfer

With the doctor's ok, we were able to go ahead with the egg transfer yesterday ( must have been all those crossed fingers you guys had). Because it was a weekend, we had to go to a different hospital (just a specialist one) in a suburb near the city. We were, of course, really early, so we went for a short walk around the block before heading in.

Once in, I signed the million pieces of paperwork, and then M. and I were taken to get changed. This time I got to keep my top half on, adding a beautiful gingham hospital gown and a nice fluffy robe to the mix, along with feet covers and hat. M. got hospital scrubs, plus feet covers and hat. We were then taken into the lounge to wait with a few other people. Luckily it was just a short wait before we were taken through.

The embryologist came and saw us first. He let us know that they'd frozen four embryos early, 2 had gone through to blastocyst (one of these was put back in) and another four looked like going to blastocyst yesterday or today. Which makes 10 altogether, which is a very good number.

Then I got to lay back and put my legs up on these bars. The doctor put the speculum in, which was the only painful part of the whole process. (I found relaxing made it a lot easier). Then the embryologist came out with a catheter with the embryo in it, the doctor placed it in, the embryologist checked it had left the catheter (Those tiny cells. Always playing hide and seek, you know). Then I was good to sit up and go.

M. And I got back into our regular gear, then made our way back to the patient lounge. The nurse made us both a cup of tea and we had some cheese and crackers. About 30 minutes later we were good to get on with our day (the nurse suggested no bungee jumping though).

So in less than two weeks we'll know something. I still need to take it relatively easy because of how close I was to serious illness. But one thing I am doing is taking a quiet walk every day, which is good on many levels.

Don't fret, I have plenty of posts planned to keep us all busy during the two week wait! Just hold on until I tell you about the wonders of Crinone . . .

One of those kinds of weeks

After the egg pick-up we weren't sure if we'd go ahead or wait a cycle for the transfer. Because of the huge number of eggs they got, I was in serious risk of hyper-stimulation, and I actually got very bloated and put on 2 kilos, which is not a good sign.

Luckily over yesterday and today, I've regained some equilibrium. The pain is gone, most of the bloating is gone and I've actually lost 3 kilos in two days, which is relatively remarkable. So the embryo transfer is on for tomorrow morning.

I've got 'lush' lining in there, and I'm on crinone (progesterone - more on that later) to make everything nice in there, so we've just got to wish and pray and hope that the embryo likes it all. So, in two weeks time we'll find out if we're pregnant or not.

Update from the Embryologist

30 eggs removed.

20 mature enough to fertilise. (the scientists ended up using ICSI)

13 embryos at the moment. This could obviously change if some of them fail.

Keeping everything crossed.

Egg-pickup: The Long Version

The pick up was set for 2.30pm which meant we had to get a few things sorted in the morning. I had to fast from 8.30, so I had to have my thyroid tablet and some breakfast in the morning, along with a tonne of water. Of course the minute I started fasting, I was immediately hungry and thirsty.

We had to be at the hospital by 12.30, but it's me, so we were there by 12. They pretty much took me straight through after I paid a huge amount that my shoddy health insurance doesn't cover. When they got the right file (take 2) we went through all the blood pressure, pulse, go through medical files stuff. Then I waited. And waited (I finished a book)

Fnally it was time to get changed. The joy of a private hospital is that they gave we the regular hospital robe (yuck) plus a fluffy hotel room robe to wear over the top. Since there was no way I could do up the straps, this was excellent.

I waited a little longer and then they took me to a cubicle on an extremely uncomfortable hospital bed. Unfortunately Question Time was on tv. Fortunately Tony Abbot didn't speak. There were some small mix ups with them asking me if I was someone else, which raised my anxiety levels, but when I mentioned the anxiety the nurses were wonderful, making sure to comfort and stay with me. They let M. in briefly to sit with me and to give me his 'sample' (the males get all the euphemisms) which I had to tuck between my legs to keep warm. I'm sure there's a joke in there, but I can't think of it right now.

Finally they took me through to the surgery area. They put the observation gear on, including a child blood pressure cuff (for my tiny arm). Then I waited a bit more. Finally the anesthetist came in and promised to try and avoid the reactions I've had in the past. Then the embryologist came in for a quick chat and to collect the 'sample'. Finally they took me through to the operating theatre. My doctor caught me on the way in and let me know that he'd catch up with me after.

The anesthetist knocked me out pretty quickly with talk about a tropical island, and before I knew it they were waking me up. The best part was that they let me keep my glasses right up until knocking me out and when I woke, I had them on again. This helped with the anxiety so much. The first question I asked, of course, was how many. When she said 30 she wasn't really sure, which is why I've asked M. to verify it over and over again :) They gave me some pain killers and a wonderful hot blanket.

There was a bit of a backlog, so even though I was quite alert I had to wait there a little before moving into the next area. There they gave me some water (yay)and my own clothes (more yay) before the doctor came in to confirm the 30. However, he's very worried about the hyperstimlation risk, so the transfer may have to be put off for a month, which sucks.

Then into the sit up recovery room where I discovered that M. hadn't left the book I wanted to read in my bag. So I was left with the wonderful magazine collection and the tv until they discharged me.

I'm on panadol forte at the moment, but there's still a little discomfort even with that. I'm drinking a tonne of liquid and resting. I need to check in with the doctor later today to let them know how I'm feeling and I should hear soon about the number of embryos we got. So keep the fingers crossed.

Egg pickup - quick post

I'm home, feeling relatively good after today's egg pickup. I'll post more tomorrow, but wanted to share the magic number.

30 eggs.

I've checked several times now, thinking I was in some sort of anesthetic dream. Still 30 eggs.

No wonder I was sore.

More tomorrow.

Triggering It All

I had my last Gonal-f injection yesterday morning, and my last sniff of synarel at 7pm last night. Then at 2.30am this morning, I stumbled out of bed, along with M, to give the trigger injection. This injection will allow the eggs to mature ready for collection.

The injection is a premixed syringe, and just needs to be given pretty much like the Gonal-f injections. The instruction sheet was hilarious, though - a massive page full of statistics and side effects, with just a teeny tiny corner devoted to the actual instructions. The steps themselves also advised me to inject myself in a 'dart-like motion'. M suggested that meant he should stand at the other end of the room and throw the needle towards me. Needless to say, that was not the approach we finally took.

The injection all went fine, in the end, though I was extremely faint headed afterward. I think that was just a psychological side effect, since this needle looked more like a needle than others have. A bit of Gatorade and I was all fine.

Not taking the Synarel has felt very strange this morning. No longer is my life ruled by the alarm on my phone! (Well not until Wednesday when I start the crinone anyway) Also, the desperate thirst I had before has also died back a little, which makes it harder to drink the 3 litres of water I need to consume to avoid OSSH.

Tomorrow I get to have my thyroid tablet and have a small breakfast, along with lots of water before fasting for 6 hours. Then off to the hospital. Apparently I'll be in quite some pain afterward, so I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again. Hopefully there'll be good news about the number of eggs soon.

The Last Check up

My eggs do not look like this . . .

This morning I had my final check up, scan and blood test before the egg pick up on Monday.

On the way in, I was feeling very sore. Walking too far or too fast is becoming a problem at the moment, due to the pain in my lower abdomen. The scan showed at least six large follicles on one ovary and nine on the other. "So we could be looking at as many as 20 eggs" he said, relatively calmly.

Since this is significantly above the 'doctors are really happy with' number of 15, I'm at a high risk of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. (Check out the link. There's a pretty good picture similar to what my ovaries look like at the moment). There are a couple of things that could happen here

1. Everything goes wrong over the weekend. Egg pick up is cancelled. I cry a lot because I'll have to go through all this again (everyone thinks this is very unlikely, but possible)
2. I don't recover well after the pick up and I get OHSS. The embryo transfer is cancelled and all embryos frozen for a later date. I only cry a little. (More possible. I'll know by next Wednesday)
3. Everything goes as planned, and I don't really cry at all. (Probably equally possible with option 2)

Then we were off to the nurse to pick up my next lot of drugs (the trigger injection for Sunday morning and crinone for afterwards), to get more warnings about OHSS and to go through all the hospital stuff for Monday. Then a blood test and we were done.

So, fingers crossed we're ready for Monday. I'm quite thrilled that we've made it this far after everything we've gone through. Now just to get through the next few days.

Image from flickr

And the award for most scanned ovaries go to . . .

Back to the doctors again this morning - I feel like I'm living there at the moment. Another scan showed no more follicles (phew) just the sixteen that were already there (16!). All a good size, all healthy.

Which is Good News. The egg pickup (or harvest as I like to refer to it) is booked for Monday at 2.30pm. The trigger injection, therefore, has to be given at 2.30am on Sunday. 2.30am. 2.30 in the morning . . .

Unfortunately, this good news means I'm experiencing quite a lot of ovary pain, and walking, sitting and standing are not so easy at the moment. Or wearing pants. I wore my last pair of loose pants yesterday, my only skirt with elastic today and I'm pretty much going to be wearing tracksuit pants by Friday. The doctor offered to bring me ugh boots to wear for the next scan (another one!) then.

Overachieving Ovaries

So, I had my scan this morning at the doctor. (I must say, there's nothing quite like beginning your week by dropping your pants in the doctor's office.) My uterus now has a 'lush' lining (his words), and my ovaries have been nice and busy since starting the Gonal-f stimulation injections.

A little too busy.

Seems my ovaries are as overachieving as the rest of me. The doctors usually like to see 12-15 follicles total at the end stage. At a week out, they like to see a little less.

I have (at minimum since these are only the ones they can see) 8 follicles in each ovary. Quite a nice size too.

Which is, of course, mostly good news (much better news than no follicles or only one or two). The only problem is that I'm much more open to hyper stimulation, and the whole thing might happen earlier than we like which means only one day off work, not three :p Also, the cramping sucks big time (think ovulation cramping and times it by 16)

So, dear ovaries, I promise you can have an A+ if you just behave until next Monday. No need to go overboard, okay . . . :)

IVF injections - one week in

So, I've now had 7 Gonal-f injections to stimulate eggs. How are things going?

-the Gonal-f counteracts a lot of the emotional side effects of the Syneral. This means I have more concentration and less emotional turmoil. This is a Good Thing

-the general achiness is also gone

-the tiredness hasn't

-replacing the other side effects I now have massive bloating, achy ovaries and irritation at all the injection sites :(

-also, I need to drink at least 3ltrs of liquid a day, so I'm constantly heading for the toilets!

A blood test last week showed that hormone levels were good, now we're hoping tomorrows' scan goes as well. Then another week until the tentative egg pick up

A Bit of Good News . . .

We made our way back to the fertility specialist this morning (btw, peak hour traffic sucks!). This time the scan was a lot better - left ovary clear, tiny follicle in the left, but on its way out. The doctor was happy and the injections could begin. Phew!

The nurse ran us through the basics of the injections - how to dial up the dose, how to attach the needle - then asked if I wanted to do it, or get her to. I decided I should do it - after all, I'll have to do it on my own starting tomorrow. Then I saw the needle.

The big, long, pointy needle that has to go into my stomach.

I froze completely. I just couldn't bring myself to hurt myself in that way. Luckily the nurse was on the ball and helped me guide my hand in. Turns out it doesn't hurt very much, and is quite easy to do. I was going to do them on my own before I left for work in the morning, but M. has suggested we move it earlier and he'll be around to help me. (He was also a bit shocked by the size of the needle and said he didn't think he could manage to poke himself with it.)

Hopefully the main side effect of this will be counteracting the Synarel - I want my mind back again! I just need to get lots of liquids and protein to avoid organ failure if I over-react to it.

I have a blood test on Thursday and a scan next Monday. All going well, the tentative egg retrieval is set for 31st October. And . . . Cue the Halloween jokes :)

Squeezing in an update

So, I said I saw an end to the Synarel, didn't I. What a fool am I.

We went to the doctor early on Tuesday morning for a scan and to set up the injections. Unfortunately there was a big follicle (28 mm) still lurking in my left ovary, which would completely confuse the matter if we started injections. Doctor's advice? Just stay on the Synarel for another week and we'll look again.

Since then, the side effects seem to have become worse - strong hot flashes (I was sweating last night, but M said it was pleasantly cool), desperate thirst, headaches - hopefully all launching me into faux menopause and getting rid of the follicle.

Next appointment is Monday. Cross everything for me that we have a good result then

Things I hate about Synarel

This is how I feel most of the time . . .

I've been on Synarel for 13 days now, which, in my mind at least, makes me perfectly qualified to talk about why it sucks (of course, this is the same mind that forgot how to do subtraction and needed help from a very kind 12 year old)

1. The taste. A friend asked me what it tasted like. I'm leaning between pesticide, an ashtray or the garbage bin after a week in the sun.

2. The fact the taste doesn't appear until about 15 minutes after the spray. So you're there thinking, that wasn't so bad. Then 'bang', aforementioned taste

3. The stupid song that is the alarm on my phone every 12 hours. (I know I can change it, but this is my stupid list.)

4. The fact I now seem to forget everything. Everything. Like simple words. And how to do subtraction. Today I brought a coffee with me into my study. Without any water or milk in it (but the teaspoon was still there)

5. The acne. Which turned out to really be my imminent period, but I'm blaming synarel

6. How hard it is to spell synarel

7. The mood swings. I feel like I'm harbouring seven dwarfs of moods in me at the moment - so far this last week I've had visits from Sleepy, Grumpy, Weepy, Snappy and Happy.

8. People who tell me that I shouldn't complain about synarel

9. Feeling like I'm not me anymore.

10. Insecurity over whether I'm doing it right or not. This morning, I pressed on the spray and got nothing - no sound, no spray, no liquid. So I did a check in the sink and repeated the dose successfully. But now I'm worried that maybe the first one did work and the second one is an overdose and I'm probably going to die . . .

11. The looks on people's faces every morning at work. The 'oh shit, what horror is she going to inflict on us today look'

The good thing about Synarel?

My period came on Thursday, so there now is an end in sight for the synarel

Image from Flickr

Cycle One: Starting with Synarel

The first part of my IVF routine is a nasal spray called Synarel, which I need to take twice a day. This starts before your actual cycle starts (day 21 of my previous cycle) and works to stop normal ovulation. (Ovulation needs to be stopped so we don't lose the eggs I'll be producing.)

The actual taking of it is pretty simple - remove cap and safety piece, stick it up your nose, squirt and sniff. I have to keep to a strict time table - every 12 hours (7am and 7pm in my case), and people have warned about forgetting to take the cap off - and when it's as expensive as it is, you don't want to lose any spray.

The taste is a) terrible and b) long lasting. This morning was actually better than yesterday to start with, because I had the sniff just after I had some coffee, but it's really kicking in now. Some people recommend peppermint to mask the taste, so I'm trying to decide if that means Minties or I'll just invest in Mint Slice biscuits. Also, as bad as it tastes, it's not as bad as the reflux tablets I had to have as a child (taken on their own they tasted like dentists cotton. Except I couldn't take them as tablets and mum had to smoosh them into a watery paste with water and I had to drink/lick it all out. I still want to vomit just thinking about it).

Side effect wise, some people don't seem to have any. Some people seem to get them by day 4. I seemed to start yesterday. Because the drug stops ovulation, they say the side effects are similar to menopause. Not sure if my side effects are like menopause, but I'm tired and achy, have tightness in my lower abdomen and I'm really irritable. (Apparently another side effect is shrinking breasts. I'm hoping this is a long term effect for those who take it for other issues. I have precious little breast to lose!) It's possible that some of these effects are pre-menstrual, but I'm definitely more irritable (I felt like I had something crawling under my skin this morning) and also having more trouble sleeping. So it seems like I got hit with the side-effect hammer!

I forced myself to get out for a walk yesterday, which seemed to work, plus I'm going to increase my water and see if that helps. Hopefully the side effects level soon, and they should definitely do so when I start the injections.

Learning all their is to know about IVF (and wishing I knew more)

Yesterday, M. and I had our compulsory session with the fertility nurse. The objective of the session was to make sure we were comfortable with the elements of the procedure, go through different aspects and supports and through the money stuff as well.

The nurse is really supportive and her information was comprehensive, though there were times when I wished her office was set up a little better so that M. could be better included. I realise I'm the one doing the spray/injections/day surgery, but he's the one supporting me and the one who'll but up with my frantic questions if I forget something. She's given me a tonne of information to go through as well.

What I'm doing is known as the Down-regulation cycle, or the Long Down Regulation cycle. Basically it means I start treatment a week before my cycle actually starts (in fact, I started treatment today). Treatment consists of a nasal spray for up to 24 days, injections starting around day 5 or 6 of my cycle and going for around 10-12 days, then an injection to trigger the eggs into fertility. Then there's the 'egg pickup' which involves a general anesthetic, then an internal ultrasound with a needle attached (pretty cool when you think about it). Then the scientists do their magic (funnily enough, they do this in a suburb where I lived for 6 years). Finally there's the embryo transfer, followed by the horrid two week wait. During that time I also take progesterone to keep conditions all nice.

What else did she tell us? Well she reminded us that there are counselors available, and that they can help me if I'm having trouble dealing with any part. She walked me through the delightful side effects of many of the drugs. She had no problem with me continuing my ballet class, though I'm not sure she understood how strenuous some of the jumps can be. She recommended 3 litres of fluids when I'm on the injections which is going to be delightful back at work. She also gave us the great news that with my health and age, I'm in the 'golden' zone for IVF, and my chance of getting pregnant could be as high as 50% (which is huge).

So with that down, we were all ready to begin the treatments . . .

Picture from Flickr