This month I'm distracting myself with crochet. One of my best friends is expecting her first child in February, so I've made her a big round blanket, as well as a range of bright, colourful cotton bibs. I like crochet because it keeps the mind busy, I feel like I'm actually producing something and it's easier on the eyes than endlessly playing Angry Birds.
As for symptoms, I keep going back and forward on them. I had a vivid dream last night (featuring Dr Karl from Neighbours . . . ) which obviously means I'm pregnant. Or it obviously means my period is coming. My husband's glass of wine hasn't made me turn up my nose this month, which means my period is coming. Or I'm pregnant. My breasts hurt. Which means I'm pregnant. Or my period is coming!
The very real problem is, that after all this time I really don't trust my body anymore. There have been months where I've been absolutely certain that this is the month. And then my period comes, and all those hopes I've worked up feel especially heavy. Before we started trying to conceive, I was definitely more comfortable with all the signals my body sent. Now I just feel confused!
The good news is, it'll all be over soon. One way or another, I should know something before the end of the week. Then the next step of planning can begin.
Photo from flickr
I am not good at commenting, as you know after all these years! But I am wishing and hoping with you. You will be such a wonderful mother, one day, however you eventually come around to it - and may it be that this is the month! <3333333
ReplyDelete20 twws... that is rough. i feel like you deserve some kind of prize for getting through so many without going mad.
ReplyDeletei'm really glad you're finding some comfort and distraction in craft. it's been my go-to in times of anxiety and stress too. feeling busy and productive is so helpful.
i'm crossing my fingers x