It seems funny, now that I look back at it, how much energy and stress I put into not getting pregnant over the years. Because, despite being off the pill for over a year, despite reducing the amount of caffeine I drank and removing alcohol altogether, despite swallowing horse pill vitamins, we just couldn't manage to get pregnant.
At first it was a disappointment, but one you could deal with - no matter, we'll try again next month, almost no one gets pregnant in the first (second, third, fourth) month. Then you try to ignore it, put the due date for your period to the back of your mind and just pretend everything is okay. Then your period is late by one day and your hopes soar . . . before coming crashing down again.
You develop a really bad relationship with your period. Forget anything you felt in your pre-trying to conceive days when a period was a painful inconvenience. Now it's a burden, a nasty little reminder that you're still not pregnant, that the really good feeling you had this time was absolutely nothing. And you still have the cramps and inconvenience on top of it all.
After a year, you enter the select group. The 10 percent that can't get pregnant in 12 months and are technically infertile. And there is nothing nice or cheerful about that word. M and I made an appointment with my local GP, hoping to get some information, answers, or at the very least a referral. He gave me a form for a blood test for my thyroid (all in appropriate range apparently), some information we already knew, and told us to keep trying for six to nine months more before he would do anything. We left tired, disgruntled, and once I got the blood test results back, determined to go to another GP.
Luckily this one was more understanding, giving me some good information and, brilliantly, a referral to the best infertility specialist close to where we live. It was a real relief to be getting something done, an even better relief when an appointment was made for just four weeks later.
And now, this week, we'll have our appointment and step into the next phase of this story.