14 Weeks and 3 Days: About the length of a small flip phone?

It's been a couple of weeks because I've just started a new job and I've been run off my feet. Pretty much everyone there knows about the baby, and there's a lovely feeling from them all, even though I'll be leaving in less than 6 months.

Other news:

- I have a lovely round belly. I'll try to post a picture of it today, because it looks really nice :) Strangely, it's not even - where my most recent scar is, my belly pokes in a little.

- We had a scan last week! Just for fun, as the fertility specialist said (since we didn't have the one to detect Downs Syndrome). Turtle's heart is still beating strong, but we got to see so much more - including baby feet and toes! Turtle was sitting with his or her knees folded up, either crossing his or her legs for a story or stretching for ballet (my story, anyway)

-The fertility doctor also said I have excellent blood pressure. Is it ok to be proud of that?

-And he changed my thyroid medicine up again.

-The nausea is completely gone, and now I'm starving all the time. I've been able to introduce more dairy into my diet which has to be a good thing. But my cravings are stranger. I still desperately want fruit, veggies (especially potato) and red meat, but I also want French Onion dip and sat and ate ice cream out of the tub because I desperately wanted it the other night (a month ago, I couldn't stand it)

-I bought a Belly Bean maternity pillow and I love it. It's like two round pillows joined by a wide strip of fabric. It supports my back and my front, and will only get more useful as I get bigger. I actually started sleeping through the night when I got it, so there's happiness :)

-I had anaphylaxis training yesterday through work and they actually gave us all training pens to use. I felt a real flashback to the injections, and the same flinching even though these pens had no needle in them. Of course, I was less squeamish about it then I might have been before IVF :)

- Oh! Edited to add that the paperwork from the hospital came in! Thanks to a kind neighbour it wasn't completely drenched in the rain, so today I'm going to be filling it all out and this will all start feeling real!

Body Image and Pregnancy

Body image is an interesting topic for me. I spent 11 years learning ballet, 11 years staring in the harsh mirrors at the end of the room. (believe me, mirrors have spots that make you look better or worse). Ballet, at the higher level, requires such specific body types, especially since Balanchine introduced his 'perfect ballerinas'. Short, but with long limbs. Long neck. Perfect feet. And the thin body, from hips to bum to stomach (and small breasts).

Since I've been out in the 'real world' and even been able to meet with and know current and former ballerinas, I know that very few of them meet all these requirements perfectly. But when I was dancing, the peak examining board was obsessed with it, to the point that they would fail students in exams if you didn't meet the requirements. And I didn't. I was short, but my long limbs were gangly rather than graceful (which was more of a teaching issue). I had the long neck and my feet have been the envy of professional dancers - but my body was never right. My hips and bum have always been curvier, even when my stomach was flat.

Even though I believe I failed exams because of my hips and bottom, I never went to extreme measures. Firstly because my dance studio just wasn't like that - we had all types there and thought nothing of eating pizza or junk food. And secondly, I spent so many years being too thin as a legacy of an extreme childhood illness - and once you've spent enough years dangling at the top of the seesaw, you know that too thin is not fun.

Was I happy with my body before I got pregnant? Well sometimes. I've had people complement me on my bottom as a good thing, which always amazes me. I hate the whole BMI thing because my dancer's thighs always put me overweight, even at my thinnest. I usually have a great relationship with chocolate, which does me no good. Not to mention the dodgy thyroid, which can make it difficult to maintain a steady weight. And for a long time I thought it might have been my weight which was making it hard to conceive, even though no doctor even mentioned that as an issue.

So it was interesting to read this article at Offbeat Mama. Because my body has definitely changed and I love it.

My breasts are bigger and more rounded. While it meant bra shopping which I hate, it also means I have cleavage for the first time in my life. This week, I've noticed that my stomach is more rounded and I love rubbing it. My hips and bottom seem to make sense with the rest of it now. So far, I think pregnancy looks pretty good on me.

I can understand why some people don't like their pregnancy bodies. One of my friends was extraordinarily sick during her early pregnancy and this continued well into the second trimester. She lost 15 kilograms and looked ill, and wasn't happier until later when she was able to eat properly again. But with an uneventful pregnancy, there's always that reminder that our bodies are changing to accommodate the growing baby and all the hormones that come with it. And I'm okay with that.

12 weeks and 1 day: Around the size of my pinkie finger . . .

My update is a bit late this week because I spent my weekend in Sydney :)

- I hit the magical 12 weeks yesterday. It's a nice feeling. I've also seen my local GP who's taking on my care now. He did a range of medical tests which all came back good. My blood pressure is also good.

- My nausea is pretty much gone. About one small wave a day now. I also seem to have more energy than I had last week.

- My belly seems more rounded and my pelvic area a little less crowded. Because of the bloating, it's hard to tell if I've 'popped' or not, but I'm kind of loving my new shape. This is a good thing because I'm starving most of the time - particularly for fruit.

- I bought my first maternity clothes this week - just a pair of work pants and a nice work skirt. They were about the same price I'd pay for regular clothes of that quality and they should last through the pregnancy. My new boss has stressed professional dressing, so these should definitely do the job.

- My best friend had her baby! He was five weeks early and is currently in the special care nursery, but the way he's going he'll probably be home soon. My friend is looking well, despite the very rushed birth (an emergency Caesarian with only an hours notice).

Ten weeks and six days: the length of an individual sugar packet

It's been a big week socially, and a small week baby related.

- Christmas was good. I rocked a green salad full of things I wanted to and could eat, but it was hard to find non cold-meat to eat.

- I turned 30 on Thursday and celebrated with a dinner with friends and family

- I slept for three hours through the day yesterday, so I was able to stay up to see in the new year.

- One of my best friends held her baby shower on Friday morning. It was very low key - just a morning tea and presents, but she loved the crocheted hat and monster booties I gave her :)

- I've been a bit crochet crazy, so far Turtle has a monkey hat, a big sunburst blanket and most of a cardigan. (I'll post photos soon, I promise!)

- My nausea seems to have died down a bit, though travel sickness isn't fun. I get the occasional headache, but nothing too serious. Turtle seems to be applying a bit of pressure in the pelvic region - I seem to have the world's smallest bladder at the moment :)

- I had to buy new bras this week. I'm up a cup size, which is kinda weird.

Nine weeks and five days: nearly the size of a Brazil nut

All in all, it's been a pretty uneventful week. I've got rolling nausea, and it has become worse, but I haven't been sick at all. My lower back hurts at times, and I'm having some trouble finding a comfortable way to sleep - which doesn't stop me from falling asleep all the time!

We've announced the news to my larger family - it's the first great-grandchild on this side, so everyone's excited. A couple of my aunts had fertility difficulties of their own, so they've been particularly understanding of my anxieties. Also, my grandmother and aunt (mum's sister) both said they had relatively mild morning sickness, which really seems to be my case as well.

However, my sensitivity to smell remains. I went into the city to do Christmas shopping and could smell every horrible smell around. Then when the across road neighbours decided no party was complete without burnouts, the smell of burning rubber was absolutely horrendous.

Monday makes ten weeks, which is the week where the embryo becomes a foetus. It's also the week I turn 30, so maybe we should have a joint party. It's amazing reading about the development and seeing how much building is going on in there.

I've started reading about what do do with infants. Some of the books have been great, but very hetero-normative, which irks me. Others have some good information, but go over the top on the ultra-natural thing.

I've begun crocheting for the baby now (well once I finished booties with monster claws for a friend). So far I've finished a monkey hat and I'm 3/4 way through a baby blanket. We're not finding out the sex of the baby, but I'm refusing to use just 'neutral' colours. I do take great delight in using pink and blue together, since I love both colours.

Well, I think that's all for this very disjointed update. Hope everyone has a great Christmas/holiday :)

Eight week and six days: About the size of a martini olive . . .

-The biggest news of this week is that we've seen the baby! We went in on Wednesday morning to our fertility specialist and I had yet another internal ultrasound. M. came in (he declares that he could pick the baby straight away). The doctor quickly showed us the baby's (massive) head, and then pointed out a wonderful sight - a tiny, beating heart. We also got to see the arm, and the spine of the baby and we have our own print out picture that I like to stare at for hours.

-The doctor also told me to finish my pack of progesterone and that would be it for IVF medication. I had the last one on Friday! So happy to be done with all those unnatural hormones. He also said my ovaries were as normal as expected from an IVF conception.

-General consensus seems to be calling the baby 'junior' or 'turtle' because of the number of eggs we got during the egg pickup.

-The nausea has well and truly kicked in. Some days are worse than others, but the lists of smells I can no longer stand seems endless! Other than that, I think I might almost graze a b cup with my breasts, now; and I am incredibly, bone weary tired.

7 weeks and 6 days. Around the size of the diamond on Nicole Richie's engagement ring . . .

Long time, no post. Mostly because I've been finishing up at one job, plus going away on a retreat for another. The retreat was interesting because no one knows I'm pregnant there yet (waiting for the second trimester), so I couldn't explain things away when I felt off. Also, making sure I could eat the food was kind of special. Luckily the nausea was kind to me, as long as I kept away from the cooked mushrooms.

Most of my nausea is smell related. Mushrooms, coffee, chocolate and cheese toast from Sizzlers (darn) are out. Mashed potatoes, Gouda cheese, jelly lollies and almost any red meat are in. I can handle tea, but that's it for hot drinks, cold drinks are fine as long as they aren't too fizzy or milk based. So, world's most boring diet. (Also, if you're going to serve me tomatoes, they'd better be fresh because I can taste when they're not)

Tiredness is my life at the moment. M. regularly wakes me up when I fall asleep on the couch, and some tasks leave me zombie like. Probably because this week the embryo has (hopefully) doubled in size. Then there's the time spent staring at my now noticeable breasts (exciting when you start with a small A cup)

Wednesday is the day for our first scan, and therefore the first hurdle for my anxiety to get over ( well after the anxiety of going for fertility treatment, choosing ivf, giving myself injections and going through the egg retrieval). If all is well then, we may be able to look at telling less immediate family for Christmas.

Meanwhile, my baby stash grows. Mostly because I'm leaving my job and people want to give me a gift while they can. I look at them as gifts of love, and know that even if something goes wrong, I'll out them aside for later, knowing they were given with love and will be used with love eventually.

Week Six: the search for a size comparison that isn't fruit . . .

A lot has happened since the last time I updated with our good news. (Well not that much, but it makes me feel like I'm more productive)

- I went to see the nurse at my fertility clinic. She moved me onto progesterone pessaries (1/3 the cost of crinone), told me that the horrific pain I was having (not to mention the five month pregnant bloating) was hyperstimlation rearing up again (yay!), and let me know how far along I was (5 weeks and 2 days at the time - it's now a week later so I'm 6 weeks and 2 days)

- The pessaries are . . . Different. (TMI alert) They're inserted like a tampon, twice daily, then I have to lie down for half an hour. In that time they melt and the progesterone gets in my system. The side effects seem less extreme then the crinone, but in combination with the heat, they're not the most comfortable things in the world.

-the hyperatimulation is more under control now I understand that I have it again. It's controlled through drinking water and Gatorade, and while it's still a problem, it's significantly improved.

-Nausea kicked in over the weekend. At first I thought it might be the tummy bug doing the rounds, but that was a 24 hour thing, and this has been 5 days, so not so much. No vomiting, but relatively strong nausea, particularly in relation to food. And it sticks around until early evening.

-Almost everyone knows. Which both comforts me and terrifies me in equal amounts. Some people picked it up through the massive, swollen belly I had last week.

-I am pretty terrified of something going wrong and I probably will be until we a) hear a heart beat, b) see a scan, c) get through the first trimester d) are holding the baby. Part of the problem is that symptom are changed by the progesterone, so I don't feel like I'm controlling my body, so I don't feel like I can trust it. I keep holding on to all the positives though - it was a strong positive result, I've had no spotting at all, I'm healthy . . .

-we have our first baby things. A cute singlet with planes on it (we're both plane enthusiasts, M. More than me, though I do intend to impart my love of Spitfires), two winter onesies, a pair of tiny red sneakers and two board books (including Where is the Green Sheep!) I also got a present of a bib and a singlet from a co worker who promises to hold a baby shower, even though I'm changing jobs at the end of the year.

- And our current due date is . . . 22 of July :)